The girls in the makeup room would tell me often that she hated how I dressed. It was wrong and inappropriate, she said. She even told people she didn't understand why I needed to wear my skirts so short and my heels so high! Mind you, this is hearsay but I’ve heard it multiple times from multiple people. She didn't like me and she wasn’t shy about sharing that information. But I've seen this before; jealousy is serious in my business. Women often compete with other women for prestige, or visibility, or a metaphorical pat on the head.
Too many of us think that there can only be one in the room. By “us” I mean women, and Black people. It hurts me to see but at the same time it enrages me. More often than not, they’ll sell you out for 40 pieces of silver, and themselves, too. This isn’t unique to television, but the red light on the camera never goes off, which is why some people perform.
What I'm sharing with you is sensitive information and I hesitate to share EVERYTHING because I never want to reveal too much about a colleague. If you've worked in any business it doesn't serve you to tell all (unless you're writing a book--I am--but not yet).
Sage Steele, a former colleague, was trending because of her comments on former NFL QB Jay Cutler’s podcast. ESPN anchor Sage Steele told Jay Cutler it was “fascinating” Obama indicated he was Black on his census form “considering his Black dad was nowhere to be found.”
Along with this, Steele shared her thoughts about vaccine policies and also discussed her feelings on up-and-coming female journalists dealing with harassment and worse from male athletes, saying, “When you dress like that, I’m not saying you deserve the gross comments, but you know what you’re doing when you’re putting that outfit on, too.”
Steele goes on to assert that women are “smart” and “play coy” and that they have to “be responsible.”
Cutler affirms her, responding, “That’s so true.”
Sage Steele is considered a leader, a pro--a role model. And while I would love to tell you that her politics are the only reason why she’s trending, it doesn’t help that she’s complaining about someone who doesn't agree with her moral philosophy. Despite being a bi-racial woman herself, it would appear she holds many Black people and women in low esteem.
I’ve asked myself if it is a matter of circumstance. Perhaps she’s not happy. I know while working at The Four Letters I was considered grumpy or unfriendly towards some (I’m aware). I also know that the circumstances robbed me of my joy. It prevented ME from thinking clearly and being self-aware. I’m sure I wasn’t adored by all. However, I NEVER made it my business to correct people for not agreeing with my morality or point of view.
Let's be clear: I worked with the woman and know her well enough to tell you about her based on MY interactions. And yes, I was really disappointed that she suggested that a missing Black father and a present white mother should have influenced the way President Obama filled out his census. I am alarmed that she’s admitted to refusing to mentor other women because of how they dress.
There are Sage Steeles in all walks of life, each one presenting a conundrum: Should we have compassion for their ignorance or should we cuss them out for their recklessness? My first thought is a little of both. They need a little of both. In the case of Steele, I hesitate; I don't want to give the race baiters the Black-on-Black violence porn they crave. I should understand that perhaps she really is hurting. As the saying goes, “Hurt people hurt people.” I struggled with being this candid about someone I see as a fellow Black woman. I know that there will be a time when she is made to understand that bi-racial could mean you’re“just” Black to some people.
Which leads me to a bigger issue. I'm sure that Fox News or some outlet that loves to hear Blacks' hatred for Blacks will want to give this ignorance energy. They will give her a platform to mislead Americans about the Black experience in America. Her comments on the podcast let me know she must talk poorly about Blacks in front of white folks, and will talk about “loose” women in front of men. But the big question is, why? It brings me back to my concern, back to my compassion for her, and back to my sincere curiosity about how one ends up feeling so much rage for a group/culture that is expressly half of their racial makeup and a gender she shares entirely.
There are a few stories out there where she has made it clear that Black women, peers and those who do not know her are always unwilling to be friendly or they have undermined her in the workspace. I honestly do not believe it’s just because she’s conservative; there’s so much to unpack with this troubling narrative. However, I do believe it’s because of her intent to judge. Judging a Black experience while making sure you separate yourself from that “Blackness” is dangerous and irresponsible as a decent human being.
Perhaps that’s why I feel more compassion than anger. I’m also fascinated -- as she is -- by her need to disassociate from the Black culture.
