“I am 67 years old.
I have never seen a young Black woman's disappearance covered like the #gabbypetitio disappearance.
Not once.
That is horribly wrong.” - Don Winslow
NYT bestselling author Don Winslow’s tweet forced me to feel a bevy of emotions: tired, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and annoyed. But why am I describing it as “forced,” you may ask? That’s because I promised myself, for my mental health, not to focus on the age-old scenario “what if she was a black person,” … If you try to finish the sentence, you'll understand my rainbow of emotions. If Gabby Petitio were black – would anyone care? Would the media cover this story with the same zeal, urgency and fascination as it ALWAYS does when a young blonde girl goes missing? It's called the “missing white woman syndrome.”
One of my heroines of journalism, PBS anchor Gwen Ifill, is believed to have created this term. Academic Charlton McIIwain defines it as an extension of racial hierarchy. In other words – white women matter, black women do not. Reading this line in Winslow's tweet made me feel EVERY type of way: “I am 67 years old [and] I've never seen a black woman's disappearance covered like [this].” I, too, have never seen any black women’s disappearance covered with this much care and urgency.
I've been quietly watching the coverage as it unfolds; and I must admit, I was interested in what happened to Gabby Petito and I was hoping that she would be safely returned alive and well. The videos of her are even more heartbreaking now that we know her body was found. I feel for her grieving family – losing a child is difficult, especially how they’ve discovered her – it's just too much to handle. So I say this with all of my heart – my condolences go out to the family, and I truly wish they can heal from this and one day find joy after losing a loved one.
Nevertheless, we have a real problem in this country, and it's clear that all lives DON’T matter. It's tough, it's painful, and it's hard to ignore – the lack of respect, the lack of carefulness, the lack of regard, and the good-ole familiar “evil” you're approached with when you're a woman of color. It happens when I shop at expensive stores … or not so expensive stores. It happens in restaurants. It happens as you're walking down the street. It happens when you move into a different neighborhood. And it happens at work, even with the small level of fame I manage to have – trust me, I'm reminded daily that I am a black woman without privilege until notified or recognized.
I told you that I was tired of being tired and angry because it is hard to manage those emotions daily. So I've decided moving forward that I will live and walk in the privilege of a mediocre white man. (I just coined a new phrase! MWM -“mediocre white man.”) Similarly to missing white woman syndrome, a MWM is protected and treated with privilege, and it is fascinating.
We all know that MWM – a man who has underperformed and is overly praised and PAID because of the “protection system” that looks out for him. The protection system is solely established to make sure that their fellow MWM’s will succeed. He has confidence, security and privilege everywhere he goes, and normally people ASSUME he's the boss, so he precedes and succeeds!
My friends always tell me that I seem to have inherited privilege when I walk in a room or when I speak of my expectations of others. In fact, I DO. (My ancestors are happy to know that I DO understand my privilege as well.) There's a rising majority in this country and they simply believe that we are all created equal. We deserve that privilege – that respect, that carefulness, that empathy – that has eluded black women since the inception of this country!
IT'S A NEW DAY. I'M NO LONGER TIRED. I AM PRIVILEGED.
